Comfortably Numb

Sheila Kumar's Storehouse

Published on: 12/9/05 7:17 AM

Feature: Strengthen Your Bond

Better your bond

 Getting a romantic relationship to last needs some effort. Here are some tips.

 Let’s face it. Falling in love is all too easy. Staying in love, however, isn’t. Like all other relationships, a romantic relationship too is vulnerable to the pulls and pressures of day-to-day life. However, if both partners are clear about the ties that bind them together, and determined not to let the days of wine and roses fade, then, love only gets better and stronger with every
passing year.

Some work is called for though in maintaining the relationship. So read on, absorb the points and then… get to work!

Get to know your partner. This may sound facetious but not many of us know our partner that well.
Observe, study, make note of all he/she says, does , likes and dislikes. Get a clear picture of the person your partner is. The amount of time you spend on this endeavour will serve you well for all the years of your life with him/her.

Don’t expect him/her to be what he/she just cannot be. So many couples enter relationships with unreal, almost scary, expectations. The man hopes to mould the woman to suit his image of the
ideal woman; the woman thinks she has a good chance of getting him to drop his “bad habits.”
Well, this is akin to wishing for the moon. If you accept your partner for the person he/she is,
you will come to like, even love his/her foibles and eccentricities.

Praise your partner in public often enough. A little verbal praise, a little gesture of affection will go a
long way in making your partner feel on top of the world and cementing your ties.

Crib about your partner yes, but only to your partner. A litany of your partner’s sins of omission and commission to all and sundry may make you feel better but won’t help matters in the long run. On the contrary, you’ll just have provided more grist to the gossip mill.

Pick your time and sit your partner down, relate your grievances and look for positive solutions.
Remember, repetitive complaining soon loses its effect. List your biggest grievances and just forget about the smaller ones. You took your partner warts and all; now learn to live with those warts.

Fight fair. Delete all those hurtful comments from your armoury before you utter them. Don’t accuse or blame, state the problem and say you mean to work on a solution in a mature manner. The best tip of them all: in the midst of a big row, just grin and say, “Oh, forget it!”

Don’t go there. There are certain areas which a couple must avoid for the sake of the relationship. Don’t disparage each other’s families, career graph, intelligence, his baldness, her weight issue and
taste in clothes. Some of these are issues you just have to put up with, others are too trivial to
take serious notice of, in a short life. So, get real.

Do things for each other. We aren’t talking of grand and expensive gestures and gifts here, just
small acts of love that come from the heart. Gestures that will move your partner and bring
the roses back to your relationship. Feed each other by hand. Give each other a neck rub.
Buy a book that you think will interest your partner.

Take over some chore usually done by your partner. Call his/her friends and arrange a surprise
`no occasion’ dinner party.

Laugh a lot. Do things together. Never underestimate the power of togetherness. Go for a jog or a walk together. Cook dinner together. Go see a film and then, discuss the merits of the film over dinner. Join the neighbourhood gym as a couple. Laugh… a lot… with each other, at each other.

Stay apart for a while. This doesn’t mean that you move out. Just find things to do by yourself and
do them, all the while relishing your solitude. Both your partner and you need your private space,
respect that. You know the saying “Get a life?” Well, get it!

Predictability is okay. Couples often rue the end of adventure and excitement in a relationship.
Well, there’s something good about stability and predictability in love. It’s a way of declaring to
the world that you are a couple, bound by the magical threads of love.

Feel good about the pattern formed, the routine set by your lives together, they are signs of a strong bond. And then, anytime predictability gets boring, you can always inject some excitement back into your lives.

Admiring someone is okay, too. We are but human and admiring other men and women
is a very human thing to do. So don’t come over all green with jealousy; instead, be secure enough in your love, your relationship, to agree with your partner about someone else’s appeal. Fidelity is in the heart, not in the eyes.

This ran in THE HINDU of 8 Dec 2005.


FeatureFeaturesmena and womenrelationshipsromanceromantic ties

Sheila Kumar • December 9, 2005

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